Are Your Friendships Helping or Hurting You and Others?
THE POWER OF COMMUNITY AND CONNECTION
Have you ever paused to consider the role friendships play in your mental health? In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the importance of meaningful relationships. Yet, strong connections aren’t just a bonus in life—they’re essential for our well-being.
As a counselor, I’ve seen how friendships can either strengthen or strain our mental health. God created us for connection, and the Bible reminds us, “Two are better than one…if either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). But nurturing those connections takes intentional effort.
In this three-part series, we’ll explore the profound impact of friendship on mental health, identify common pitfalls that hinder relationships, and share actionable steps to cultivate and sustain meaningful connections. This is just the beginning, so stay tuned for even more insight in the weeks to come!
THE MENTAL HEALTH BENEFITS OF FRIENDSHIP
Friendship is more than just companionship—it’s a vital component of mental health. Strong, supportive relationships can lower stress levels, increase happiness, and reduce the risk of depression and anxiety. A good friend provides a safe space to share burdens, celebrate joys, and process life’s challenges. Proverbs 27:17 beautifully illustrates this dynamic: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Through friendship, we can encourage one another, grow in wisdom, and find comfort in difficult times.
WHEN COMMUNITY IS LACKING
The absence of authentic community can significantly impact mental health. Feelings of loneliness and isolation often lead to increased anxiety, depression, and even physical health issues such as high blood pressure or weakened immune systems. Superficial relationships—those without depth or mutual support—can leave us feeling empty rather than fulfilled. Humans are wired for meaningful connection, and when it’s missing, our emotional resilience suffers.
COMMON RELATIONSHIP PITFALLS
Even the best intentions can go awry. Here are a few traps we all fall into:
Distractions: Are you truly present when spending time with friends? It’s common to see people scrolling through their phones mid-conversation or constantly attending to distractions while their friend is sharing something important. While these moments are often unintentional, they can leave friends feeling unheard and undervalued. For example, a distracted friend might miss her friend’s subtle cues of emotional distress, unintentionally creating distance. Distractions like these hurt relationships over time and can lead to feelings of disconnection or neglect.
Over-Scheduling: A packed calendar often leaves little room for deep, meaningful conversations.
Unhealthy Patterns: Sometimes, our approach to relationships stems from what we’ve experienced in the past. For example, if you grew up in a home where vulnerability wasn’t encouraged, you may struggle to open up. If conflict was handled poorly, you might avoid addressing issues altogether.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING PRESENT
Friendship thrives when we are fully engaged. Try setting aside distractions—put your phone away, look your friend in the eye, and actively listen. For parents, this might mean scheduling intentional time to connect with friends without interruptions from children. Small actions like these can profoundly impact the quality of your relationships and communicate care and value to your friends.
WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?
Take a moment to reflect on your role in your friendships. This revised questionnaire is designed to help you uncover patterns, especially those involving distractions or unintentional neglect:
Do you frequently check your phone when spending time with friends?
Are you often preoccupied with your own thoughts or responsibilities during conversations?
Do you cancel or reschedule plans last minute due to feeling overwhelmed?
When your friends share, do you actively listen, or do you find your mind wandering?
Are you quick to respond to your friends’ messages or calls?
Do you make time for one-on-one moments with friends, even if your schedule is busy?
Have friends ever expressed feeling ignored or unimportant due to your distractions?
When spending time together, do you often multitask (e.g., watching kids, working) rather than offering undivided attention?
Do you find yourself talking more than listening during your interactions?
Are your interactions often transactional (e.g., asking for help) rather than relational?
SCORING:
For each “Yes” to questions 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, or 10, subtract 1 point.
For each “Yes” to questions 4, 5, or 6, add 1 point.
8-10: You’re highly intentional and present in your friendships. Keep up the great work!
5-7: You’re doing well but might benefit from being more mindful of distractions.
0-4: There’s room for growth. Consider small changes to improve your presence and engagement.
ENCOURAGEMENT FOR GROWTH
If you recognize areas for improvement, know this: change is possible. Sometimes, our relational habits stem from past experiences—how we were treated or the examples we observed growing up. Counseling can help you uncover these patterns, heal past wounds, and build stronger, healthier connections moving forward.
TAKE ACTION
Ready to deepen your friendships and strengthen your sense of community? Here are some practical steps you can take today:
Schedule Intentional Time: Set aside specific times each week to connect with friends, free from distractions.
Be Present: Commit to phone-free conversations and focus on active listening.
Join a Group: Attend a local Bible study, hobby club, or volunteer organization to meet new people.
Reconnect: Reach out to an old friend you’ve lost touch with and rekindle your connection.
Offer Encouragement: Send a thoughtful message or note to let a friend know you’re thinking of them.
Set Boundaries: Limit over-scheduling so you have time and energy for meaningful relationships.
Let’s grow together! Reach out today to schedule an appointment or learn more about how we can support you in building meaningful relationships.
Thoughts from a Good Boy
Hey friends, it’s me again. Big update: I’ve got a new sister, Lola. She’s full of energy, but I’m learning a lot from her—like how every relationship teaches us something. Watching her reminds me of a question from the blog Are your friendships helping or hurting you and others? Are your friends bringing out your best, like a good game of tug-of-war where you both grow stronger? Or are they pulling you in the wrong direction? Choose wisely—because the company you keep shapes who you become.
Oh, and stay tuned—because in the next series, you’ll get to meet Lola yourself. She’s got plenty of lessons to share… and a lot to say! 🐾